15 Most Useless Inventions Ever Made
How can you use your car to grill a hamburger? What 40-dollar item has the sole function of turning itself off? From terrorizing pets to shitting gold, here are 15 of the most pointless things ever invented.
15 The Ctrl-Alt-Del Wand
During the heyday of Windows PCs in the 1990s and 2000s, there was an awful lot of “control-alt-delete” pressing. This is a tool for hitting those things all at once with one hand. You know, on the off chance it’s easier to reach for a tool instead of just hitting the keys yourself.
14 Shoe Umbrellas
The concept of the shoe umbrella makes sense in theory – people don’t want to get their shoes wet. There’s two major problems with this. Most of the water that damages a shoe is under the shoe, not over it. Also, wouldn’t a regular umbrella cover them just fine?
13 Car Exhaust Grill
For those days when you really, really want to grill one hamburger, but you also have to drive to work. Just stick the burger in your car’s exhaust pipe, and it’ll be fine. Okay, technically, this separates the actual car exhaust from the burger. But when it comes time to eat, you still have to pull it off the tailpipe.
12 Self-Turning Ice Cream Cones
Apparently, for some people, turning an ice cream cone is just entirely too much work. Those same people seem to have also overlooked that the whole point of an ice cream cone is to eat the cone. That’s much harder to do with plastic.
11 Diet Water
Does regular water just have too many calories for you? Here’s Diet Water, a totally real product sold in Japan. It’s supposed to be just regular water, but infused with vitamins and supplements specifically for weight loss. But… it’s Diet Water.
10 Goldfish Walker
Sometimes it’s good to get your fish out for some fresh air and exercise. Wait, no it’s not. They can’t walk, and air kills them. That means this is only for people so lonely, they can’t even walk around the neighborhood without their pet fish.
9 Pet Rock
This barely counts as an “invention.” There’s no actual innovation here, it’s literally just a rock. But still, somebody came up with the idea to put rocks in boxes and sell them as pets for four dollars. And that guy became a millionaire.
8 Ropeless Jump Rope
The ropeless jump rope simulates the action of jumping rope, except that there’s no rope. So at that point you’re just hopping around swinging some sticks around. And the sticks make a jump-rope noise. Couldn’t you just hop in place and swing your arms around… without dropping 15 bucks on the sticks?
7 Bottomless Shoes
Some people care very, very deeply about being barefoot. So much so that they invented a way to be barefoot but appear not to be. Now when they walk into a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” establishment, they know they’re getting one over on The Man.
6 Gold Pills
Do you want to shit literal gold? Great, that’s four hundred dollars well spent.
5 The Plow Gun
This is a patent dating back to 1862 for a farming plow with a rifle affixed to the front of it. Honestly, it looks silly, but does make some sense in context. A farmer can’t carry a gun with him while he’s plowing a field. So if, say, a wolf strolls along looking to pick off some livestock, the plow gun gives him an instant weapon. Here’s the problem. The gun is pointing straight forward. Isn’t there usually a horse or some kind of pack animal in front of the plow, helping to pull it along? Wouldn’t it just shoot that animal instead?
4 The “Running Board”
The only reasonable explanation for this invention is that somebody had to drive a dog from place to place, but actually HATED dogs. Luckily for every dog ever, this invention never took off.
3 Butter Stick
A number of attempts have been made to simplify the application of butter to things. It seems inventors want to cut out knives as the middle man here. So the Butter Stick – not to be confused with a stick of butter – lets you just apply butter to toast as if it were a glue stick to paper. It’s actually not a bad idea – as long as you’re willing to trust butter that works like a glue stick.
2 Ear Dryers
After a shower, bath, or day of swimming, water in the ears is a fact of life. Most just let it evaporate naturally, but some simply cannot wait for that. The silliest thing about ear dryers is that they actually encourage you to dry your ears with a towel first. If you’re going to dry them with a towel, then what’s the point of using the machine for it?
1 Useless Box Kit
This is an item that is least is exactly what it says it is. It has no use. It’s a nice-looking acrylic box with an on/off switch on the top. When you turn the box on, an arm reaches out of the box and turns itself off. That’s it. That’s its only function. And it comes as a kit. You have to build it yourself.